HARDWARES

Funny how a (mostly) one-man gag project can have more impact and merit than a “serious” act like, say, Blessed By A Broken Heart. The brainchild of As I Lay Dying frontman Tim Lambesis, Austrian Death Machine is an old school Suicidal Tendencies-flavoured tribute to Arnold Schwarzenegger and his cinematic past, complete with bang-on Arnie impersonations provided by one Chad Ackerman. This is a (mega)ton of fun, to be honest, as Total Brutal gets away from the general chaos, hate and angst of today’s metal scene to pull off one of the heaviest and smartest musical send-ups of all time. Okay, the programmed drums leave something to be desired (such as a flesh and blood skinbasher), but only because Lambesis’ vocals (growls and clean), the thrash-happy guitar riffs and up-tempo arrangements demand a hell of a lot more warmth and bottom end than what we’re getting. Then again, the mechanical aspect of the thing lends itself well to the whole Tribute To Ahhnold concept. Aw, fuck it. The bottom line is, if you know anything about the Guvernator’s body of work you’ll catch yourself pulling very un-metal smiley faces once the lyrics sink in, in particular with tracks ‘Get To The Choppa’, ‘Who Is Your Daddy And What Does He Do?’, ‘Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers’ and ‘It’s Not A Tumor’. And when Ahhnold shows up, whether it’s to impart valuable words of wisdom or prove he’s more metal than you, your brother and your band, I dare you not to laugh even a little (see ‘Hello California’, ‘Broo-Tal Song Idea’ and ‘So Far, So Good, So Let’s Talk About It’). A welcome breath of fresh air and a job well done.