Ebay said my girlfriends birthday gift was delivered but it didn't show up at my house. Thought it was stolen off my porch. Ended up getting a Facebook message from a guy saying he got my package by mistake and he dropped it off on his way to work tonight. Really nice ending to a shitty day.

You can have your own naked pillow fight.


By yourself.



Filmed.

My workplace continues to show that taking iniative is not a good thing.

There's something relaxing about pooping at work when no one else is here.

Agreed. Nothing ruins a great crap at work when some dude comes and sits in the stall next to me.

Fortunately, our bathrooms are for one person at a time. They're also big bathrooms. To top it all off: I'm the only man working in the building, so I get it all to myself.

Wow, you could swole sesh in there and not have to worry about cleaning up the evidence.

I thought swole sesh meant working out, not jerking out.

Or are they same thing?

Especially if it's your boss. Happened to me last week.

I've had worse experiences. I worked at a buffet back in high school and while dropping deuces in the stall, some little kid peeks his head under the stall and just stares at me for like 20 seconds. The whole time I'm yelling at him to go away and his dad wasn't doing anything about it.

Should have pooped on him.

Want to smoke a bit of herb. Don't particularly want to get off the couch. Need a pack mule, and perhaps a sherpa.

Fuck it. I wanna watch the last half of this Pearl Jam documentary. If I don't show up back here within 15 minutes, send a search party, a medium pizza, and blankets.

That moment when Jeff Loomis comments on Auslander's status message on FB...

I'm done moving! My new place is awesome. Result!

Some wank sessions could qualify as swole. The intense ones. The real calorie burners.

Which reminds me, a few months ago my boss dropped by unannounced at work and I had the door locked with a sign saying "Be back in 5 minutes, nature calls. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause"

She then proceeded to let herself in, pound on the fucking door and yell "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? GET OUT RIGHT NOW!!" so terrified.. I quickly cut off my turd, wipe and wash my hands and I open the door to see her fuming mad because I locked the door. She assumed I was doing drugs in the bathroom and all I had to do was drag her in and go "DOES IT FUCKING SMELL LIKE I'M DOING DRUGS? READ THE FUCKING SIGN I PUT UP, I AM NOT SHITTING MY PANTS FOR ANYBODY"

She then left without saying a word, I don't think we spoke for entire month after that.

I just learned that Don Bluth and Mitt Romney are half cousins.

When you're Mormon, I'd think it would be hard to not be cousins with damn near everyone.

There are three pages worth of unanswered posts on the board right now. If I get bored enough, I might do something about that today.

search.php?search_id=unanswered

Just finished a pizza. I could hibernate right now, no foolin'.

It's like a fucking ghost town at work, good lord.

Too bad our equipment delivery is still coming, or I'd just go home now. Ah well. This is basically free money, so no complaints!

Ughughughughughughughugh.