False dichotomy; you can smoke at a desk job for 45 years and still die in your 80s, regretting your wasted youth.

Now here's a guy who misses the point.

That was said completely in jest.

Just adding to the freewheeling inanity.

edit: Since only a few of y'all fine folks know me, I'll point out that if you take anything that I say with less than a handful of salt, you're doing it wrong. A good five times out of ten I'm completely taking the piss. The other five times the piss:serious ratio is still usually > 1.0

Unsatisfying shits are awful. I just had to take a dump at work so bad I could taste it. After a few hot, smelly farts that curled up my back, I decided to rid my bowels of the filth that was polluting my office air. So I hobbled from my desk and down the hall, trying not to shit my pants on the way there. When I got into the stall, before I could even lock the door, I had to strain to keep my anal sphincter closed until I had a "pins and needles" sensation running down my legs and all the way to the soles of my feet. I barely got my pants down and sat my haunches onto the seat, when a couple of pounds of shit came out of my ass and into the water. However, instead of nice bulky turds, I crapped out glob after disgusting glob of dark, pasty, rotten slime. The smell was bad enough to curl the nose hairs of any poor unsuspecting washroom patron, so courtesy flushes were in order. Wiping my ass was a complete nightmare. The more I wiped, the more stinky shit-slime appeared on the toilet paper. I filled the toilet and flushed a bowl full of soiled bathroom tissue at least 3 times before my ass finally started to feel clean. So now I sit on my burning ass, inflamed from wiping, wishing I never left my desk to take that shit.

While I have felt your pain, it's really hard to not laugh at your description of the event.

Bathtub Hitler would find it funny because Bathtub Hitler loves to laugh and frolic on the meadow all the live long day.

Don't be a Shower Hitler.

Jeff?

I think out of everyone I know, he has the most terrifying shits.
Deathstalker aside.

His name is like... Raised from the Grave or something

Toronto Jeff is Burnt at the Stake
Different Jeff. I think you met him. The rad as fuck American dude that comes up once and a while and gets drunk with us.

Totally different than what I said. hahaha.

Is that Blaisdell or whatever?

I absolutely hate liars, cheaters, and fakes.

Yes sir! He'll be here in September!

<3

Thanks.

Two beers being enough to give me a headache the next morning. It makes no sense to me. I can generally pound whiskey like there's no tomorrow and wake up feeling just fine, as long as I don't drink to the point of puking. But beer just ruins me, even if I don't get so much as a buzz

I got to work late this morning because after I had my shower I shit out some thick poop with the consistency of diesel grease. I just couldn't wipe it all off, so I had to take a second shower to get my ass clean.

I think you need to see a doctor, Jebus

waking up 3 hours before i have to.

also, talking 8 shits in one day.

Nah, some asshole from North Carolina named Mike.

OT: I hate your rules. I hate 'em all. I hate being marked to take the fall.

Fuck everything. Seriously.

noooooooo,
1. You are awesome
2. You are tough
3. Amazing snuggles from furry friends
4. You are more awesome right now than you were when you read number 1 on this list.... it just keeps increasing

Thanks. I'm just still having a ridiculously hard time with everything. That's all.